The problem is you and not me.... you think too much unnecessary stuffs~~!
I told u that if i'm not okay, I will tell you.. I'M not ok.. 
If i'm okay, I will tell you I am okay.. 
You asked me what I want from u..
I told u many many times what I want.. just that you never remember that...
or keep forgetting...

I cherish the friendship, can we back to normal? 
But you react differently now....
Can you just forgot what had happened? or tell me what is in your mind? and not keeping all in your heart?

I know you will never tell me what I want to hear...I'm still me who wants to know what I want to know from you.....till someday in future which I don't know when...
I know what you did is for my own good....
But I still want to know....

I don't know what's the real reason for you to act like this...
I know I should respect your decision....
and sorry for not respecting you most the time...
You told me you don't want see me feel hurt after you tell me what i want to hear....
but do you know..
now and then, i feel hurt/emo because of you and not another.....


2.15pm 24 July 2010

dream

Don't because of one failure, you give up....
Try not only once, but try till you succeed....
If you give up too soon, you will not get what you dreaming of,
Yet you may loss what you have so far......

1114pm 22 July 2010

I thought you are near... but actually you are not....
I thought you are close... but actually you are not...
I thought you are nice... but actually you are not..
I thought you are great... but actually you are not...
I thought I am good, but actually I'm not...
I thought I am kind, but actually I'm not....
I thought we are enemies, but actually we are not...
I thought we are friends, but actually we are not...
I thought we are not strangers, but actually we do....

So near yet so far....

1.26pm 22 July 2010

Law of attraction

Secret - Law of attraction....

Do you believe in it?

I never thought that during the very short discussion about it, I responded to this question~~

When they were talking about who gave the talk on law of attraction during 4th ehipassiko camp, without thinking twice, I immediately said, I don't believe in it.

It was very spontaneous and sounded like I'm out of topic at that moment. And of course all the attention were drawn to me not long after that...

He said, "Why? Did you use the correct method taught in the book??"
Before I can reply...
She said, "It always works for me. Maybe you don't wait for longer time, is it?"

I said, " Oh, can you share with us your experience?"

She said, "I don't like waiting for a taxi. So everytime before I out from the house, I will have some positive thinking. And when I reach, I don't need to wait long for the taxi. And many other experiences"

I said, "Oh, that's interesting. Maybe it just works for you and not me. All my positive thinking never come true."

She said, " Maybe you give up too fast before it can occur."

Self-thought: Did I do it correctly? Am I giving up too fast? Shall I give it a try again?

hmm....

10.49am 22 July 2010

Part II: As it is now

so, how's the eye-seeing exercise?
what's your reaction or what's your partner's reaction?

I did observe the reaction of some of my friends or even myself. (^.^)

1. Some keep on laughing (because his/her partner is of same gender...LOL..)
2. Some try hard to complete the task and they managed to complete it.
3. Some try not to laugh but having a hard time to complete the task.
4. Some just look normal.

So what's yours?
(Below is only my opinion)

1. You laugh because you feel it is not appropriate to look into the eyes of someone from same gender especially strangers.

2. You need to complete the task no matter how uncomfortable you feel.

3. You feel it is not appropriate to look into eyes of opposite gender but you wanna complete the task.

4. You don't feel anything, it is normal to look into the eyes of opposite or same gender. ....

 etc....

So, no matter what's your reaction, there is no right or wrong....

I just want you to know that...  if you realize it, that is actually an idea/thought/opinion that you trained yourself  since young that,

1. It is not appropriate to look into the eyes of someone from same gender especially strangers.

2. No matter how tough is the given task, you need to complete it. 

3. It is rude to look into eyes of opposite gender. 

4. It is normal to look into the eyes of opposite or same gender. ....

 etc....

When you realize this is just your own idea/thought/opinion, then tell yourself to overcome/break the barrier. You are one way to mindfulness. 

It is just the same..

either when you feel sad, angry, etc..

if you realize the reason why u are feeling sad, angry, etc... 

then you will be less sad, angry, etc.........

hmm, i'm not sure how many of you will understand what I'm writing...

But the message to bring back is to help you to be less affected by own moods, and be more mindful about your own mood/surrounding....

When you are more mindful, you will be more concentrate/focus in your daily activities...

Live in present, friends Y(^.^)Y

11.52 am

21 July 2010

Part I: As it is now

In the recent ehipassiko camp, there is a dhamma talk entitled "As it is now", which I think this is the best talk I ever attended.....

First, let me ask you....

1. Do you get angry/easily fed up when somebody said something that you dislike to hear?

2. Do you get angry/easily fed up when someone do something that you don't like?

3. Do you get angry/easily fed up when you found out that your friends go out with another friends without telling you? 

4. Do you get angry/easily fed up when your friends don't reply your sms or email?

5. Do you get angry/easily fed up when your mom doesn't listen to your idea?

6. Do you get angry/easily fed up when your friends break their promise or cancel the appointment at the very last minute? 

7. Do you get angry/easily fed up when your boyfriend doesn't call you?

8. Do you get angry/easily fed up when your friends/father/someone make fun of you in front lots people/relatives/girlfriends/boyfriends?

and the lists go on....

Okay, next do you realize that you are angry/easily fed up and start to scold/complain about the things of any mentioned above??

and next question: Why are we angry/easily fed up about the things? It is actually very minor part in our life and we can get angry/easily fed up for sometimes before we cool down.....

In our own life, we have our own ideas/dreams/thoughts which to your own selves, you think it is the right things that everyone should follow..... this is the ideas that make you think that 

1. My friends should talk to you politely.

2. It is wrong for my friends to do this things.

3. My best friends should inform you where she goes/does/etc or your best friends should only go out with you and not others.

4. My friends should reply your sms/email in less than a day.

5. My mom should at least to listen to your idea before saying anything.

6. Everyone should keep their promise and nobody should cancel their appointment last minute.

7. My bf should call me everyday.

8. Nobody should make fun of me in front of public.

So, we called this ideas/dreams/thoughts that you have developed since young as a barrier.

A barrier that make you feel angry/easily fed up.

So when you realize this barrier, tell yourself, I shouldn't get angry/easily fed up. This is just my own opinion and not others, why should we angry/easily fed up about it? 

Let me give you another example:

Find a friend or stranger of opposite gender.

Look into their eyes for 1 minute.

How do you feel??

Do you feel weird? 

Are you feeling like continue/stop looking into their eyes?

Are you feeling it is not appropriate to look into eyes of strangers/opposite gender??

So...... What is your answer??

(Part II: to be continued)

1.15 am 20 June 2010 

(After watching inception and while chatting with yong wei)